


The pain won’t kill my kindness

by moonlightnish



Category: Kamen Rider W
Genre: 5+1, Angst, Canon Compliant, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Shoutarou should value himself more!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27619660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightnish/pseuds/moonlightnish
Summary: Five times Shoutarou prioritized Philip's needs over his own.(And the one time...)
Relationships: Hidari Shoutarou & Philip, Hidari Shoutarou/Philip
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	The pain won’t kill my kindness

**Author's Note:**

> It started somewhere comforting but then angst happened.
> 
> Also, shoutout to [SailorCresselia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorCresselia) whose fic [A Name You Can Call Your Own](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16680289) served as an inspiration for the story structure.

_**(1)** _

_**...Just a few more pieces I'm searching for in the puzzle...** _

In a single night, Shoutarou's life changed completely.

His boss is dead. He transformed into ...uhh something with the other kid. He should now run the detective agency. Those were too many life changing events for one day!

Shoutarou definitely needed some time to deal with this. As much as he wanted to curl into a ball, wallow in sadness and come to terms with the situation, he knew he had something else to do. A person who is in worse shape than himself needed help.

The kid was sitting on the floor in the far corner of the office. He was shivering and clutching his knees, clearly still pretty scared. That second transformation did something to him. He wasn’t this shaken up when the two of them met.

Shoutarou approached him with a blanket slowly, not wanting to scare the boy any more than he already was. When he was certain the kid wouldn't freak out, Shoutarou gently wrapped the blanket around the younger man. He slowly ran his hands over the blanket to give the other person as much heat as possible.

When the shivering reduced somewhat, Shoutarou tried talking to him "Hey."

No reply.

"How are you feeling?"

No reply again.

Shoutarou knew small talk wasn't going to be helpful right now so he went straight to something he wanted to say ever since they returned.

"I'm really sorry. For calling you the devil back there. I shouldn't have called you that. I'm sorry."

"Why though? You're not wrong about it…" the kid spoke in a low voice.

Shoutarou immediately denied it. "No. Definitely not. I was wrong before. I acted impulsively while judging you. You are not the devil. I don't think you were creating Gaia Memories on your own choice. You might have not rejected their orders but I don’t think you did it of your own volition. And from what I saw, they were clearly treating you as a prisoner. It is their fault, not yours.”

The boy neither accepted nor denied Shoutarou’s words of reassurance that he is innocent.

“Do you have a name?”

He thought for a while before speaking in a voice quieter than imaginable “...Philip.”

“Eh?”

“Philip. Philip is my name.” He spoke a bit louder.

“Philip? Ah that is a nice name. Nice to meet you Philip. I’m Shoutarou. Hidari Shoutarou.”

The boy only nodded in response.

“Listen Philip, I’m not going to lie. Tonight was crazy. So much happened. I’m not sure I understood everything that went down. We have a big mystery to solve... But. No matter what happens, I shall always keep you safe. I promise.”

Philip lifted his head to look the detective in the eye “Thank you. Shoutarou.”

Shoutarou waved it off. “Don’t mention it. Now, we should get you some food. You look like you’re starving. I don’t think we can get takeout at this time, it is pretty late. I can make some soup if you’d like?”

“Sure. That would be nice.”

“Be right back.”

* * *

_**(2)** _

_**...Using your heart, using your body, fill the gaps...** _

A week after they escaped the island, Philip finally gathered enough courage to use the Gaia memories again. He was still terrified of the Fang memory even though it was nowhere to be found. But he was willing to try and use the other modified memories. Which was a good thing as many dopant sightings were reported.

Shoutarou and Philip decided to work as partners and transform again to take care of the dopants that were wrecking the city. Only when they transformed, Shoutarou realised something. They both had to work on their partnership. Their first battle was less than impressive. And there was one reason.

Philip got distracted by everything. And everything meant _EVERYTHING!_

Sure. It made sense for someone who was always locked inside a secure place to be fascinated by the outside world. But chasing after a British Shorthair cat because the feline seemed familiar is a _terrible_ idea when they were about to go for the finishing move. It gave the monster enough of an opening to land some hits in. And since they were using CycloneJoker, Shoutarou’s body took the grunt of it. Despite all those mess-ups, they ultimately managed to defeat the dopant and break the memory.

After handing the user to the cops, Shoutarou returned to the agency. He headed straight to the garage to wrap up his injuries.

“Philip. That was awesome, right? It feels nice to use these powers to maintain the peace in Fuuto. It is the duty of a hard boiled detective to…” he stopped his train of thought when he noticed Philip rubbing his forehead, ”...wait what happened to you?”

Philip looked up sheepishly. “Ah Shoutarou. It seems that I did not consider the floor when we transformed. Looks like I hit the floor hard and have a head bump now.”

“Ow. Philip. You should take better care of yourself y’know.” Shoutarou facepalmed with the same hand which was starting to bruise. "Hold on. Let me get an ice pack for you."

* * *

_**(3)** _

_**...You can surely become stronger yeah…** _

Shoutarou had been kidnapped, shot and was moments away from getting impaled by spikes. He was certain these were his last moments. But he was not scared. He even asked Akiko to let go of the rope and escape out of this place.

Don’t get him wrong, Shoutarou didn’t want to die. He wanted to live. He wanted to protect Philip, Akiko and everyone in Fuuto. However if this was his end, then he was not afraid to face it. When he said a detective puts his life on the line for the job, he meant it. The moment was almost here and Shoutarou readied himself for the fall with no dread.

But, when Philip showed up without an actual plan, Shoutarou felt fear. Watching Philip transform using Fang _terrified_ Shoutarou more than his own death ever could.

The detective's mind flashed back to the times when Philip panicked and scrambled to a corner anytime he saw a Gaia memory because of what the dinosaur memory did to him. He never wanted his partner to experience that fear again. He desperately yelled at Philip to stop but it was too late. Philip pulled the lever and Shoutarou felt his consciousness leave his body.

As expected, FangJoker started to rampage, attacking enemies left and right. There was a high chance that they would attack Akiko as well. Shoutarou had to help Philip before that happened. There's no way he was going to let his partner go through that trauma again.

* * *

_**(4)** _

_**...Something let me change!...** _

Letting someone down hurts. Letting multiple people down in a single day hurts more.

Shoutarou was having a terrible day. No, terrible might be sugarcoating it. Everything he _dreaded_ happened on the same day.

He had failed his mentor. He had failed his client - Bitou san. And it seems he is the reason Double failed against Weather in the last battle.

It was already _too_ much. But when Philip requested Ryu to be his partner, it was the nail in the coffin. He could physically feel his heart break into pieces.

Didn't Philip recently say that Shoutarou was his only partner? And yet…

But the detective said nothing on the matter. He simply couldn't bring himself to. If he indeed is the reason for the failure of W, then he would quit rather than putting Philip in danger.

Steeling himself, he left without another word.

* * *

_**(5)** _

_**...You can definitely go...** _

Is it selfish to have one desire? Just one? Even if said desire is the well being of one's partner?

According to the universe they live in, the answer is _yes_.

Shoutarou fought with all of his strength to prevent Philip from disappearing but it was of no use. Jun Kazu had attacked all of their friends. And now Philip was going to disappear. Nothing was going to stop that.

In the end, Shoutarou cannot get his wish. He won't have Philip safe and sound with him. He had to let go.

The least he could do was fulfill Philip's wish. That way, Philip could pass on without any regrets.

That was the only choice Shoutarou had. And it was the one he took as he headed off to find Wakana.

* * *

_**(+1)** _

_**...You are not alone, yeah…** _

The day Philip came back, Shoutarou held Philip's hand tight and never let go. No one was cold blooded enough to make fun of the detective about him being too soft. They all have seen how much difficult the past year has been for him. Moreover, it was an incredibly emotional moment for everyone.

When Akiko and Ryu excused themselves and left, Shoutarou hugged Philip with all his force as tears flowed with no restraint.

"Shoutarou..."

The detective's words came in stutters. "You’re a-alive.. I.. always felt like.. like you were still here.. but I could never say it… in case I was wrong… but today I said it.. and it turned out.. to be a voice recording… it hit me.. so hard… that you were actually go-gone.."

There were tears in Philip’s eyes as he hugged his partner close. “I know Shoutarou.” Of course Philip knew. He had watched Shoutarou break down in tears after the incident with the frog pod. He desperately wanted to reach out, to assure Shoutarou that he hadn’t completely disappeared.

But he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

What if something went wrong with the restoration? He could not put Shoutarou through the shattering of false hope again. It was just too cruel. So he waited. Until the time was right.

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t come back earlier.”

Shoutarou shook his head. “N-No it’s fine. You’re here now. I’m really glad you are back.” Shifting slightly, he rests their foreheads together. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too. I wanted to come back immediately but..” Shoutarou silenced Philip before he could continue.

“No need for that. Just.. stay with me for now. I want you here with me.”

Philip couldn’t help but smile and snuggle closer. “I don’t plan on leaving you Shoutarou. _EVER._ ”

**Author's Note:**

> Feedbacks are incredibly welcomed. They can directed to my tumblr [@moonlightnish](https://moonlightnish.tumblr.com/) as well.


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